Well I have spent the last two weeks going out of my mind. Moving. God I’m sure it’s the bane of any home-dweller’s existence – THE MOVE. Why oh why do we do this to ourselves? When I moved in with my momma at the end of 2008 (the third time I moved that year!) I swore to all the gods that I would never do it again. Ever. And yet here I am. Again. Living between boxes.
But this is not the part that disturbs me in any way. This is a normal thing to have psycho nervous breakdowns about. (Luckily my wonderful man was there to pick up the pieces when I keeled over last week!)
I packed up my boyfriend’s entire house. He was away – so who else was gonna do it -right?
Anyway this can be quite a nerve wracking experience. So many things to make you raise an eyebrow – from cabinets full of bizarre female medications (ok so those weren’t his) to some weird kitchen gadgets. Luckily I found nothing too bizarre. Nothing quite so stressful as going through cupboard after cupboard wondering if this will be the one that all the worms fall out of.
Thankfully I found nothing too dodgy – or so I thought. I found no porn – not even anything mild. I found no vagina-shaped vibrating gadgets. Or stashes of drugs.. Or anything worthy of running a mile… What I did find though were bags and bags and bags full of…black garbage bags (not orange ones…). Ok. That’s fine. and then…boxes and boxes of latex gloves. Erm…no comment. And then I found boxes and boxes of matches.
So…
garbage bags
latex gloves
matches
Really….am I dating a serial killer?
Hmmm… Dexter anyone? lol
You didn’t find a box full of microscope slides with blood samples in them anywhere, did you?
Hahaha I know this is completely wrong of me but someone sent me this email shortly after reading this post:
“Sadly, I don’t own a huge collection of latex gloves and garbage bags… but I do own a collection of sex toys (including some vagina shaped ones) and a significant amount of porn (which I find is best enjoyed when shared with another person).
I don’t quite see why these things would have been run-worthy since none of the women in my life ever ran… if anything I think they sometimes stayed long after they wanted to break up and kept dating me for my porn
But eh, to each their own. Heh.”
I know the most interesting people!!
Cute post
but yeah i would not be happy to find large piles of porn, tho these days i guess that would involve trawling your man’s hard drives and that’s a little sneaky & wrong…unless he didn’t mind. Seems many women today either enjoy porn themselves, don’t mind their men having it around or turn a blind eye. what happens tho when you dig deeper and find the porn of his choice includes some really grim stuff. like kiddie porn. and you have kids. happened to a friend of mine and she divorced her husband and took their kids far away.
may not be fashionable to say this but I feel porn can be more often a problem in a relationship than a tool to bring you closer, for those like your man (above) who shares his with his partners.
My 2 cents…
I don’t think this constitutes ‘serial killer’ cache of supplies. Wouldn’t there be things like rope, knives, guns, hand cuffs, shovel, even a 55 gallon drum?
Nothing to worry about, dear.
Yeah I dunno hey… Porn is a tough one… I don’t have much of a taste for it – but to each his own I guess. I think if you’re open and honest about it and it’s all done in moderation – like a guilty pleasure instead of an obsessive addiction – then go for it. But when you’re reading and then burning magazines and you’ve got a safety deposit box for your dirty dvd collection and you’ve got calluses on your hands and can no longer get your jollies in 3D it’s probably time to see a therapist….
By the way this post is complete tongue-in-cheek rubbish – the kind that happens when you haven’t written in your blog in a while and can’t think of a topic. I in no way anticipated finding anything weird in the man’s house. I know him too well! Plus if there WAS porn to be found I might have a.) been ok with it(i think) and b.) he probably would have been kind enough to get rid of it before I found it anyway
Well my husband, Jack, does have an addiction I am afraid to say (er, cough, besides me that is) and its Cars. CARS IS HIS PORN! My house is over-running with car mags dating back to the early 80′s and he has about a millioin pictures of cars on his pc. He spends every free moment reading up on the stuff and its clearly an obsession – I think if a car could fry a good steak and had boobs he’d leave me for one! Ok slightly off the subject.
What this post doesn’t mention is that I also have a Land Rover, jerry can and a hack saw.
So to clarify for Mary Ann: You don’t need rope, knives, gun or hand cuffs if you can quickly incapacitate your victim by hand, and you don’t need a 55 gallon drum or a spade if you can use a hack saw and black bags, and then drive to rugged uninhabitable areas and use your jerry can of petrol and a match.
#JustSaying
Yes.
The end.
Hahahaha dude you’re dating DEXTER! You didn’t check the A/C, did you? Its content would’ve definitely made you run for dear life.
I say strike before you’re struck. Those bags won’t stay empty forever. Girls these days must be preemptive.
Oh you cow!!! You only want him for yourself so that you can use him as writing inspiration
HAHAHA If I was going to use a man I would certainly find a better reason than writing inspiration….lalalala
An interesting question and a somewhat late reply. Could you ask Tyrone if he’s free this weekend, I might have an, erm… job for him.
Unfortunately we’ll be in St. francis this weekend. But he’s free next Sunday….