Oh God! Seriously – I really do seem to have a knack for attracting the attention of the most random people and getting myself into the weirdest situations. And my powers of pissing people off impress even me in cases like this.
I have managed to have another hate post written about me. Ho hum. It might even be getting old. (Or young – If it feels like I’ve returned to high school does that make it young?)
Now, I must confess that this time it’s somewhat deserved. Bitterness is an ugly bitch and she always insists on an out. Piss her off and you get pissed on. Simple as that.
I pissed her off…
Sometime this week (I think it was this week at least…the timeline didn’t really attract the attention of my long term memory) a Facebook demon got hold of me and I aired my grievance on Twitter. An acquaintance posted on his status update about how he loves watching soccer players on the beach drool over his girlfriend and then shortly afterward posted a naked photograph of her lying in the water. I posted something arrogant and rather self-righteous like “nothing like watching a guy pimp out his girlfriend. It’s kind of making me nauseas”. I have almost a thousand followers on Twitter. I had no idea that his girlfriend was one of them…
Anyway – a few fanny flapping Facebook status updates ensued. I never actually even noticed them until this morning, but when I did I felt kind of bad. And I do like his girlfriend so I sent him a message to apologize for being such a bitch.
Long story short: He doesn’t believe in apologies and I should stop justifying myself. Well…I wasn’t really justifying myself – I was admitting to being in the wrong and apologising for it.
Here was my mistake though: instead of saying ALL of what I REALLY thought, I simply brushed it off as me being my cocky loud-mouthed self and kind of suggested that it probably came from a place of jealousy (hell yeah I’m jealous – her body is amazing!) and that I never meant to offend or hurt anyone – which I didn’t. I then also mentioned that while I do find it kind of strange I do think that the photographs are pretty fantastic and that his girlfriend is beautiful and I don’t begrudge them their artistic expression. Of course he had answers for all of this. Legitimate ones some of them. But as I said before: I wasn’t trying to be right, I was trying to apologize.
Anyway, now there is a hate post. Lovely. I hope he used my full name so that it can at least be googled properly…
The thing is though: I should perhaps have kept my thoughts to myself in the first place – but I didn’t exactly fabricate those thoughts. And I kind of still stand by them. I took one look at this status update of his and then saw the picture and I thought “My god! This woman is WAY too good for this”. She’s paraded around like an object, bragged about as an accessory – and if in reality it ISN’T that way – does it really matter if that’s what it LOOKS like?
Perhaps it’s completely prudish and old fashioned for the woman in me to jump up and growl at this but she instinctively did. The momma bear protective instinct tends to very quickly claw it’s way to the surface with me. I find it impossible to observe this kind of scenario and not put myself there – perhaps it’s just me though. I’ve been told by plenty of people that I think too much, and it certainly is my downfall a lot of the time, but I just couldn’t help feeling icky about it. It just seemed different to the relationship between a photographer and a model to me. It felt too intimate. And – again maybe I’m a prude – but should that kind of intimacy be shared between “bros”? It just seems like locker room bragging!
Now honestly, I’ve been in those relationships where possessive jealousy is completely crippling and quite honestly just annoying – but for that possessive streak to be completely dormant? Is the instinct to want to shield and protect and keep something to yourself really that old fashioned and insane a notion? I certainly don’t want girls perving over MY man. I’ll freak! And yes it’s totally unjustified – but that’s MINE! Tell me he’s cute by all means (I know this) but don’t you DARE look at him like you want him. I’ll claw your eyes out!! I don’t care how logical the argument that you can’t have him because he is mine is! I will STILL feel that twinge. No matter how ridiculous it is for me to feel that way.
This is going to sound like the dumbest thing ever but I was once dancing at a wedding with my brother and my boob popped out of my dress – full on naked flesh flash!! Now I would change every single other part of my body – but my boobs are awesome – so really if I was going to show something off it would be them! But anyway – my boob popped out of my dress (damn useless strapless bras!) and my brother immediately pulled me to his chest and hid me away. He didn’t let go until I had fixed it. And not once did he laugh (I on the other hand was in hysterics!) But you know what? What a gentleman! The safety one feels in being treated that way is priceless. My standards for the men I date are set ridiculously high because of the two men I grew up with: my father and my brother are incredible. When I am with them I never feel exposed and I never feel anything but safe. Finding that in a relationship is bloody rare – I’ve been around the block enough to know that!
I am quite aware that my hang-ups are particularly stupid when it comes to things like this. Luckily different women have different requirements when it comes to security. I admire those confident enough to bare all – I will certainly never be that woman – even if by some miracle my body ever had to look like that! It’s human nature to project your own convictions onto other people. If we didn’t what the hell would we ever talk about?
Anyway – my comment was totally un-justifiable. How I feel about it is irrelevant. I don’t care that I pissed the guy off but I did hurt his girlfriend which does bother me. It was an attempt at offhand wit delivered in ridiculously bad taste, and it was at someone else’s expense which I regret. I admit that though.
And I can at least rest easy in knowing that I never set out to maliciously hurt anyone…
You should not push your insecurities onto other people , regardless of how old fashioned or momma bear it is of you.
And don’t try blame your actions on your loud mouth either.
Pete is right in saying that photography is all about evoking an emotion in the observer.
Spot on…so I did.
It was not a hate mail…more for other people to get an insight into the narrow minded beings out there.
Never apologise, never explain. But if you have to do one, never do them both. Whenever you try to offer an explanation, the person hears you trying to justify yourself, even if that wasn’t what you were trying to do. And at the end of the day, the decision to accept the apology or not is never based on what you were thinking when you offended them, it is based on whether you really sorry about it. So explanations are never going to make the person feel better about what happened.
And by the way, I don’t think your standards in men are ridiculously high, I think most males are just aiming too low with woman.
A male will measure his value by what he can do with/to the woman in his life, a real man will measure his value by what he does for her.
egMale says “Look how hot she is, and I get to kiss or and keep her all for myself.” Man say “Look how beautiful and precious she is, and I get to protect her and value her.”
Male thinks he’s a man because she loves him. Man knows he’s a man because he loves her.
You shouldn’t have to settle for a male if there are still men out there like your brother and father.
Wow. Thank you D7. That literally gave me goosebumps. You put into words exactly what I failed to do. I feel like jumping up and down shouting “yes yes that’s what i MEANT to say!!”
Thank you.
There’s nothing to say after that…
So what have you learnt from this – that the guy in question in a bit of a dick and the girl is a bit of a brainless tart for allowing herself to be shown off like that?
What you SHOULD have learnt is that it actually makes sense to THINK before you go saying (tweeting/typing – whatever) unnecessary and hurtful stuff.
No chance of that though, I guess.
Just being honest.
yeah…. that was kind of the point…. (was that not clear…?)
What: that you haven’t learnt anything valuable? Awe – wait for it – some.
I think you have absolutely nothing to apologise for at all. I don’t think it is the god of honesty who is the douche! Come on now who talks about their girlfriend like that … oh clearly that guy!