Psychics and the Psychos

Lately I’ve been considering going to see a psychic. I don’t usually do things like this, though I have on two random occasions had my cards read and found the experience rather interesting. I love stuff like this. I love weird spiritualities. I love astrology. And while I have no idea how any of it works I imagine that anyone who believes in anything spiritual needs to be open to the possibility that all these weird things do possibly exist in some sort of reality. I don’t know. I won’t pretend to understand it. But I am open to the possibility that certain energies can cause certain things to happen. I’m open to the possibility that energy flows affect our personalities. If MY mind and body are linked then it stands to reason that other energies are linked. If my body works better, feels better and looks better when I am happy as opposed to when I am indifferent or sad, the is it really such a stretch that the same kind of forces could be at play outside the body?

I have a friend who visits psychics regularly and somehow twists everything they say into meaning that the guy who repeatedly breaks her heart over and over is her soulmate. It seems they have been on-again off-again for the better part of almost ten years and she uses these visits to excuse the insanity of it.  Now this seems a little weird to me, and completely self-destructive. There are definitely right and wrong reasons to go and see a psychic. And I am quite sure this is one of the wrong reasons.

What I am not sure of is MY reason for wanting to go…

I’m struggling to get into 2010. I don’t know why. It should really be no different than any other year, and, as I may have mentioned before, I usually embrace a new year. Then again I also usually embrace Mondays and new months too!! Anyway, this is the reason I want to go and see a psychic. Because I feel bland. And I really don’t like feeling bland.  So I want someone to tell me what to do to stop feeling bland. I am quite sure that my green aura has changed to a dull shade of beige. (PS – green is my favourite colour – that is why I imagine my aura as green. I have no idea what having a green aura actually means….)

I spoke to my mom about it this morning. My mom usually thinks i am mad. You can see every time we have a conversation that she is wondering if I got switched with her real child in the hospital. She seems a bit bipolar about it though. The 2010 thing not the baby-switching thing. First she told me I should be glad I’m not her, and then in the next sentence she was all excited about the year ahead. This is too much.

Here is my worry though: the two card readings I had were relatively accurate.

The first one I had was when I was 19. I was living in the States and I had just met a guy who I fell for within minutes. It was insane. Anyway, the woman first held my hand for a while and then told me all about myself. Obviously I already knew these things – but I think we can all appreciate the eeriness of being told who we are. She told me that money would not be a problem in my life forever and that I would not have to worry about it for long. She then went on to tell me that I had already met my soulmate (a concept I had only just decided that I possibly believed in) and that I had left him at home. But she couldn’t tell me where home was. Was it in New Jersey where I was living and where this new guy was? Was it in Port Elizabeth where my family was? Was it in Molteno where I grew up? Or was it simply in South Africa? Anyway – she told me that if I didn’t marry my soulmate I was going to go through two really bad relationships. She also told me that I would be engaged by the end of 2002.

Well, in November 2002 I got engaged to my ex husband. In 2007 I divorced him. In 2008 I got knocked up by my ex boyfriend, and by December of the same year he was gone. Two disasters down.

But who was the soulmate? Surely not the jackass who saw me as a summer fling?

For the most part I’m still broke so not sure where she got the money thing from…

The second time was in about April/May last year. I met this strange guy who  was the general manager of a bar that I sometimes go to and he told me he could do the whole tarot thing with just a regular pack of cards. I was enjoying myself and not in the slightest bit inclined to leave so I asked him to do mine.

Again I was told that there’s money coming. Clearly I have a rich spinster Aunt somewhere who has no one else to leave her castle to. And then he said, “There’s one left”. And I looked at him like he was mad. “You said you were done with relationships, but there’s one left.” Oh dammit!! And yes… That one was true…

Now neither experience was particularly scary, but I find that the “before” part of the experience is a little unsettling. At least it is now. Both times before were pretty spontaneous so there was no forethought given to either. Now that I’m thinking about it though, I find that setting myself up for such a things takes a certain amount of bravery. And how brave am I feeling right now? What if all this bland energy leads to a bland reading? What if it was because of happiness that the last two readings worked out ok? I was in a good place in my head, so the readings were good… And now? With my knotted brain and this absolute lethargy that I seem to be approaching the year with? If the happy joy joy ones were accurate then I will expect my depression-induced gloomy predictions to be accurate too. This can’t be good!

I want to walk in there and have her go “Oh wow you’re in love” and then tell me wonderful things about that. And then she can go “Oh I see you have a baby” and then she can tell me that he’s perfect and all that. And she can tell me again that I’m going to find a money tree.

But what if my sullen grumpiness blocks all of that and she can only tell me that I’m doomed to a childish state of depression for the rest of the year?

Is that how it works? And if it does work that way – should I or shouldn’t I?

The thing is too though, that there’s something about this kind of thing that stirs up a spark of excitement. What is said and it’s relevence or validity may actually come secondary to the thrill of being presented with the possibility of the unseen. Is that the part that makes us feel like we’ve been proactive about something?

On Saturday I was involved in a detailed discussion about psychics with a couple of friends, and today i’ve just witness and entire Twitter conversation on the same topic.

Should I see this as a sign to go?