I wanna be an Avatar

Actually that statement might very well be grossly inaccurate since as far as the Avatar movie goes I have no idea what “avatar” actually referred to. It’s quite possible that I wasn’t paying enough attention.

Now I know we’re supposed to all be aggressively opposed to weird and barbaric science practices such as cloning and mind manipulation and all that stuff. TV certainly keeps telling us to be. It’s all ungodly. Or whatever. You know?? Cloning sheep and inserting probes into the brains of chimps to manipulate their personalities. It’s all very Dr. Frankensteinish and whatnot. Of course it is. I mean really! Maybe that monkey is completely secure in himself and quite likes his personality. Then some madass whitecoat goes and pokes him with a needle and he becomes all effeminate or something. That’s just mean right?

So yeah – it’s easy to jump on the anti-science bandwagon and wail on and on about how technology is going way too far. Yesterday I heard about a new robotic sex doll that you can buy in the UK for something stupid like six thousand pounds – she has realistic skin and everything and her only downfall is that she “can’t cook or clean” but she has some sort of Google microchip thing that enables her to converse about any subject – that’s just wrong!! Right?

But what if one day scientists pull off the whole Avatar thing? Now of course I don’t mean I want to be a lame ass blue computer-generated giant with zebra stripes frolicking through an animated forest and being chased by pony-sized rabid sausage dogs. What I mean is what if they actually pull off that body switching thing one day? Let’s say they  actually get to a place where they perfect the cloning thing – kind of like on “The Island” (that was the one with Scarlett Johanssen and Ewan McGregor right?) and you find yourself in the position to be able to make use of another body that looks just like yours. THEN they figure out how to do that thing where you jump into a weird (and oh my god so claustrophobic) little chamber thing and *poof* off you go and suddenly you’re able to possess said body clone. How awesome would that be? You would NEVER sleep? Cos while the one body is resting itself you’re out partying in the other one!! You could totally live a double life and never worry about slipping up. And in fact you would never have to get sick of you how you look either because you’re totally in this particularly unique position to experiment with all different kinds of fashion insanities. If you decide, “hey i think I wanna cut my hair into a spike punk style and dye it pink” you could totally go ahead and do it! And STILL go to work the next day in the other body that still looks like a normal respectable upstanding member of society completely capable to dealing with clients or crunching numbers or doing whatever the demands of your particular job are. And if you have an upper class function to go to but you’re worried that your tattoo peeking out of your strapless dress doesn’t quite scream elegance? No problem!!! Just go in the body that DOESN’T have the tattoo (or the pierced nose or the pink hair!) It’s every Gemini’s dream come true!! You could totally use your own body like a fashion accessory.

ALSO!! You could put them on a diet one at a time – and then only ever let the thinnest one eat all the yummy stuff while the other one shakes off a pound or two!!! Never again would you ever have to deny yourself anything. Flip – or you could just buy yourself a third clone and every time you have a craving just go feed that one. You can lock it up in a room somewhere to get fat while the bodies that other people see just stay thin and gorgeous. If you tell me you don’t like that idea you’re a LIAR!!!

So yes the idea of a sex robot called Mature Martha, S&M Susan, Frigid Farrah or whatever irks me no end. Nevermind the soon-to-be-available male-robot called Rocky!!  I can’t think of anything more bizarre than having a relationship with a life-like robot. In a world where we are constantly able to live in alternate realities do we really need another excuse to not ever leave the house? Surely this kind of thing will seriously contribute significantly to sociopathic dysfunctions.  Come ON people!!! Haven’t we SEEN Stepford Wives? That shit is D-O-D-G-Y!!

BUT!!!! What if this kind of technology is the stepping stone to the Avatar fantasy? What if creating toys that inspire an increase in anti-social behaviour are paving the way to a day when we can buy ourselves extra bodies so that all those things that we just don’t have the energy to do at the end of the day will actually get done? After work there will be time for family and friends and shameless partying if that’s what you’re into. And none of that pesky sleeping-to-restore-energy business will get in the way. You could drink yourself into a stupor at a club and pitch up for work the next day completely not hungover! You could spend nights on your hobbies and housework. You’d have time to exercise! Which, if you think about it, kind of means that this contribution to anti-social behaviour might actually lead to an increase in general sociality sometime in the future.

Unless of course you buy your Avatar clone and only ever use it to increase your World Of Warcraft rank….