The Mermaid

The Mermaid

Ethan observed Rachel and his eyes assumed their usual contentment as he watched her stir half a teaspoon of sugar into her black coffee. How could it be that now, after all these years, he was seeing her in this new way that seemed to make him smile from the bottom of his belly? She was Rachel, of course. And he loved her, of course. And she was beautiful and perfect and sweet and soft. But these were things he had always known, and for a man delighted by all that is ironic, he couldn’t help but feel particularly relieved that her sudden availability happened to coincide with this sudden desire for her. Perhaps some might argue that that in itself might be considered ironic.

   “It’s because of the mermaid,” he said, predicting the look of curiosity before it had the chance to spring to her eyes. Of course she should be confused. A moment before they had been speaking about the damaged roll of film from the Randall wedding

   She swallowed hard on a sip of coffee that was probably way too hot.

   “What?” her hand flew to her lip, catching a stray drop of liquid, and there it was, that quizzical look of confusion: priceless, charming, adorable, and one hundred percent Rachel. He should know. Probably he knew her better than he knew himself.

   “It’s because of the mermaid that you’ll fall in love with me.”

   The look deepened into her forehead, causing a small ripple of lines across the surface. How he loved her so. It was strange that it took the dissolution of her marriage for him to realize all the things he knew that Stephen could never have known about the girl sitting before him. He couldn’t help but wonder if Stephen had ever been capable of knowing her thoughts by reading her eyes.

   “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” A lie. If she didn’t know she would have asked what are you talking about, instead of claiming not to know. That is how well he knew her. She would admit it later. He only had to wait.

   “You’ll remember,” he said playing along, a glint of mischief teasing the corner of his eyes. It was his way of letting her know that he knew. And she would understand, even if she wouldn’t admit it.

   “Where are you going?” The facial shift from confusion to feigned ignorance now gave way to annoyance. She wasn’t finished talking, though the look on her face gave away the fact that she wasn’t sure if it was the Randall wedding conversation or the mermaid that she was reluctant to abandon.

   “June needs me.” Ethan’s turn to lie, “I’ll talk to you later.”

   He left her standing open mouthed as he walked out of the kitchenette towards where June was setting up for the next shoot in the studio.

What Rachel couldn’t get over was the fact that after all these years he still remembered. How old had they been anyway? Six? Seven?

   They had definitely been six years old when they’d discovered the joys of Budd Lake. Santa had given them ice skates for Christmas that year and they had insisted on immediately being taken to the lake so that they could learn how to use them. But the problem with being the girl twin is that if you don’t toughen up you’re likely to be abandoned by your brother and his best friend as they go off being boyish together. And so Rachel had learned to become one of the boys, her six year old self not yet knowing that she wouldn’t be able to join them forever. As they chased each other across the ice that Christmas morning, accumulating bruise after bruise, the skates taught her the first lesson of many of what is was to work for the things that she wanted.

   But, naturally, winter did not last forever and the skates were put away as Budd Lake ceased to play the role of ice field and returned once again to being the perfect spot for swimming, water-skiing, picnics and fishing. Being so young, the lake was forbidden to them unless accompanied by an adult, but of course, being a rather adventurous pair of boys, and being a girl not wanting to be outdone ever by her brother, the three of them soon found the draw of the lake irresistible and made it their secret playground. And Budd Lake was where she saw the mermaid.

   On the mermaid day they had given Jason and Rachel’s mum the slip by quietly tiptoeing past her in the living room where she had been watching her daily dose of soap operas. This usually held with it the promise of two hours peace because in the event of them being present in the room at that time of the day inevitably led to them being shooed out of the house anyway. In actual fact, there had been no need to tiptoe past her for if they had told her where they were going she would not likely have paid any attention, but merely nodded in agreement or made some sort of grunting sound indicating that they do what they want. Tiptoeing just made it scarier. More fun. Like it was a real adventure and they were escaping the clutches of the enemy. They had stolen the key to their jail cell while the guard was fast asleep, and they had to be very quiet so as not to awaken him.

   They never went to the lake to do anything in particular. They usually just sat around, or threw pebbles in the water, or explored the trees on the far side of the lake where they couldn’t be seen from the main road. The swimmers and people with boats usually stayed close to the south side where all the traffic was. For some reason a fake beach-type place had been made on the southwest side of the lake, outside the diner that had the funny parking lot where all the geese liked to walk around in the Spring time, and for some reason everyone who came to Budd Lake seemed to like congregating there. Perhaps it was just easier, more convenient. The diner made it so easy that you didn’t even have to pack a picnic basket; all you had to do was take your wallet with you and order a grilled cheese sandwich or a burger and fries when you got hungry.

   For this convenience the three were grateful. It meant that the north side was generally completely theirs, save for the odd neighborhood person walking their dog, but that usually only happened a little later in the afternoons when grownups were returning from work and it was time for them to be getting home anyway.

   The north side of the lake was the best side. It had the trees and the little wooden jetty that was in reality rather useless, but romantic in the mind of a child as it was something adventurous to play on, and if they ever felt really hot (for they never went swimming alone at that age) they would simply remove their sandals, or their socks and sneakers, and dangle their feet in the water, alternately telling each other that a fish had just nibbled one of their toes.

   Rachel was having a quiet day on the mermaid day. The boys had found a huge tree stump that they had decided to hit with sticks, but she had wandered to the jetty alone and was sitting with her feet in the water, not at all sure why hitting something with a stick was supposed to be in any way amusing.

   And then she’d seen the mermaid. It had come up out of the water at her feet, looked at her for a moment, and then disappeared with a splash and a few split seconds later, a flick of it’s tail.

   She had run to tell the others, but Jason had just laughed.

   “A mermaid? In the lake? Are you nuts? Mermaids don’t exist, and if they did, what would one be doing in the lake? Mermaids live in the ocean, dummy!”

   She’d made her way back to the jetty with her shoulders slumped and her pride slightly hurt, to say the least. How could her brother laugh at her like that? How could he just march off with a scoff without hearing her out first? She had been so sure. So completely and entirely sure. How could he not have dropped what he was doing and raced over to see for himself?

   She sat down again, hoping and praying that she would surface again. Just once. Just for a second, so that maybe they could see her too and then they would know. And they would feel bad for laughing. But she didn’t come up again. Or at least not while Rachel was sitting there waiting. She’s been so focused on the water that she hadn’t heard Ethan approaching her.

   “Rache?” Ethan sat down next to the little girl, who then, at only six years old, had already done so many brave things with him. Things that even some of the other boys refused to do. Things like bringing a plastic snake to school in order to scare their first grade teacher who went pale at the mere mention of a snake. How many times had they already been in the principal’s office together?

   “Are you ok?”

   Rachel nodded uncertainly, but if that were meant to fool Ethan, surely she could not have expected him not to notice the tear that suddenly betrayed her by escaping down her left cheek.

   “Rache,” he said again softly. She could hear the sound of Jason still hitting the old tree stump in the background as Ethan awkwardly but gently took her hand.

   “I believe you Rache,” he whispered softly.

   Rachel sniffed as she looked up inquisitively into his eyes to see if she could tell whether he was teasing her or not. “Really?” she asked.

   “Really,” he said, and before she knew what was happening, Ethan placed a soft, and slightly wet kiss on her mouth.

   “Come on, let’s go,” he said, “it’s getting late.”

   He pulled her up, and they set off, not letting go of their hands until Jason came into view.

“Damn it!” Rachel stamped her foot on the ground and within a split second felt incredibly foolish. It wasn’t that she had forgotten about the mermaid, it was just that she hadn’t remembered it for such a long time. And yet the memory returned as clearly as if it had been a significant occurrence that happened a week ago.

   It’s because of the mermaid that you’ll fall in love with me. Ethan’s words echoed through her mind over and over. But he was wrong. She wouldn’t fall for him because of the mermaid. She already loved him because of the mermaid.

   Rachel set down her now cold cup of coffee and headed for the door in search of Ethan.

   “What made you think of the mermaid?”

   Ethan looked up from the camera in his hands, then lifted it and released the shutter, momentarily illuminating the room with a blinding flash.

   “Ethan!”

   “Sorry,” he smiled at her, indulging in her discomfort and contemplating whether or not he should let her squirm a little more.

   “Stop being cruel Ethan! Tell me why.””

   That infuriating look of his surfaced. The one where he knows he’s won because he had the upper hand of being the only one who knew there was a game to be played.

   Ethan lifted an eyebrow. “Why what?”

   “Why did you bring up the mermaid?”

   “Because I was thinking about it.” He went back to examining his camera, as if the conversation wasn’t all that important, or interesting for that matter.

   “But why?”

   “Because I do that.” Click. Another flash.

   “Ethan! Why?”

   Ethan refused to look up and his voice adopted the tone one might use for reciting the ingredients in a recipe. “Because I think about you. I think about how you are and how we are. And I think about how much your ex doesn’t deserve you, and how much I do. And I think that I make you happy. Even if you don’t know it yet.”

   Finally he put the camera down on the stool beside him, and straightened up off his haunches so that his eyes met hers. Ever so softly he placed a gentle kiss on the corner of her mouth.

   “You’ll figure it out Rache.”

   The seriousness in his eyes met hers for a fleeting moment, disappearing with all traces of its existence, but leaving behind a dare to try and find it again.

   “Aren’t you going to ask me if I was lying?” she called to his retreating back, the slightly unfamiliar feeling of not wanting to let him walk away lurked in the back of her mind, threatening to come further forward with each retreating step that she watch Ethan take.

   “Nope,” he answered, swiveling around to look at her once again.

   “Why not?”

   But she knew what he was going to say before he said it. Because she knew this boy and she knew all the reasons that she loved him.

   “Because I know you weren’t.” The flash of seriousness reached his eyes once more as she watched him turn again, this time letting him walk away.

   Rachel closed her eyes and allowed the image of the Budd Lake mermaid to fill her thoughts again. “Thanks,” she whispered softly, a small flame of possibility igniting in her belly along with the desire to do absolutely nothing to stop it.

©  6 January 2009